Wed-8-Oct-2008 - How Do I Keep Order?
This is in response to THIS BLOG, where some thoughtful questions were asked.
First of all, I don’t really feel like I do keep order! We are a family of individuals, and each does what they can. Right now, I have to handle many of the tasks necessary to run the house, so when Samuel can help me with something I’m grateful and appreciative. I'm mainly a co-ordinator of different skills, temperaments, abilities, and I try to help each of us help the other.
I'm a Helpmate - which is not a Do-It-All'er!
That means the family is primarily Jonathan's burden. As he works 50+ hours a week, he needs help. But when I need help occasionally, I don't feel like a "failure" as much as I could/would in the past.
I do have a sort of a method for our madness, and it works for me. I beat myself up for years for not “keeping house” with my mama’s method, so if this doesn’t work for you, skip it. If you find something that helps, I’m happy for you!
Here are a few standards or precepts by which I run our home:
- I don’t compete with media. We watch 0% TV during the day, unless, say, Samuel is sick and I’m trying to get him to relax, or I’m sick - both rare. I turn on the radio when I have a task that requires that I’m going to be standing for a long time in one place, say cutting up green peppers and freezing them, or canning. Because we rarely watch movies, Jonathan and I talk a lot and if there is something he needs to get done, he has the time to do it. If you watch two programs a day, then I average 7 hours more to my week. I use that, even if it’s to “do nothing” with my family.
- Without the media, when the boys are napping, I get a lot of “silence”. I enjoy it! Even half an hour of quiet can really let my mind unwind and regroup.
- I (try) to keep things simple. Samuel has one pair of shoes and a pair of sandals. I keep my main kitchen utensils in a wire basket on the counter so they drip dry after I’ve washed them. All Jonathan’s socks match, so I toss them in a drawer together and don’t fold them. If I find a corner I’m comfortable cutting, I cut it. It makes my life easier, and gives me more time to unfold other corners, like making tortillas by hand or soap.
- The boys have toys. They just don’t have a million-bazillion. If they leave them all out, I don’t want to spend more than a few minutes picking them all up. If it takes me forever to pick them up, I certainly can’t expect them to accomplish such a task! I go through them every few weeks and weed out some to keep the number manageable.
As long as they are playing nicely, the boys are free to play. Unless they want to help; in which case I (try) to always welcome their “help”. If they are grumpy or irritating each other, I might put Elijah on the countertop while I cook, or have Samuel look at a book in the kitchen or have one boy stay in the living room and another in the kitchen.
I am not quite as focused on having my boys' help in the kitchen as I would be with a little girl. It is more important that Samuel helps his Daddy mow the lawn and change the oil in the vehicles and work with wood than it is that they help me with dishes every night, etc.
· Assumptions = irritable mommy. I try, as much as possible, not to make assumptions. You just can’t plan to wake up to a telephone crammed into the VHS or dried cheese stick crumbled strategically so that you have to vacuum at 7am or jump over it in the hallway. I do not “assume” both boys will nap at the same time, though they often do, because it sets me up to be a grump when it doesn’t happen. Usually the only awake boy is subdued without his companion and we enjoy our one-on-one time greatly, but not if I’m mentally “caught off guard” and battling resentment of the loss of something I feel “I deserve”.
My list of Must Do’s:
· Make my bed
· Eat, dress, take vitamins
· Fed my boys and dress them as time allows/necessary
· Read the Bible
My list of Would Like to Accomplish’s:
- Vacuum before Jonathan comes home (we’re messy folk)
- Make dinner
- Clean up kitchen
- Clean up dining room, living room
My list of As Needed’s:
- Laundry
- Dusting
- Cleaning bathrooms
- Sweeping & Mopping tile (often sweeping is daily needed)
Often I get the first two lists done as well as something off of list #3, BUT if it’s a really interesting day and I spend more time teaching the boys to get along, or I'm super tired, or I just don't feel like doing anything, I don’t beat myself up about it. Tomorrow is another day.
I plan, plan, plan for the future. If I allow the boys to be selfish now, I expect them to be selfish in another year. With increased vocal capacities they might have more excuses or be more polite about it, but selfish is selfish . . . .
That is not to say that I make my children hand over toys every time someone else wants them!
But we work on things now, to the best of our limited capacities, so that one day they might be easier for us. Which means on my part, practicing selflessness as an example. Oh, yeah. Like I don’t need to work on that!!!!
I guess because the focus is on where our hearts are, the whole house is rather secondary. I don’t mind loud, happy children, or Daddy playing noisy games with them. The whole house shining like it’s out of Better Homes & Gardens wouldn’t matter if I was grumpy and irritable when my honey gets home! We might have dust in areas, but Lord willing not on the covers of our Bibles . . . it’s all perspective!
Pick your priorities and taylor them to your family. Each has different needs!
~Ashley~
Comments
Wed-8-Oct-2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by a1health
I enjoyed reading this. I posted today about throwing the tv out the window. Thanks for sharing your day.
Blessings,
~Farrah
Wed-8-Oct-2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by mamato8
I like your list idea with the priorities:). That would certainly help one "not beat themselves up" if not everything got accomplished.
I started a schedlule for me (not the kids) and its going pretty good. I'll probably post about it later.
Wed-8-Oct-2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Clare
Wow! What a well spoken post, Ashley. I loved it! It sounds like for the most part, you have your priorities in a great order. Baby #3 is coming into a wonderful, loving, home :)
Wed-8-Oct-2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by RedneckGirl
Ashley, I loved your words of wisdom. God has blessed you with that gift. I too want to throw the TVs out but don't know quite how to do it. I'm taking baby steps in this new found life of ours. You are someone definitely to look up to.
Thanks for sharing,
Christy
Thu-9-Oct-2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by gabbie427
Great post Ashley!!!! What works for one family wouldn't work for another!!! You have to tailor it to your family and their needs.
God's Blessings,
Amy Jo
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