Tue-24-Jun-2008 - A question of modesty & large families
These two questions were thoughtfully left on my last post, so I wanted to take the time to address them. I tried to do so thoughtfully and carefully, but I certainly don't know it all and there are many factors that could play into these scenarios that I don't know about.... just a small disclaimer! 
Question #1 - Skirt wearing. yes, it is feminine - but is it always modest? My friend's neighbor helps her husband with tractor work - wearing her skirt and driver's by see a somewhat unmodest sight... My MIL wears one also - but wears sweats underneath... so why not wear just sweats or pants alone??? I truly don't quite understand.
I have been racking my brain trying to figure out why this dear woman is immodest driving a tractor. I’m sure I must be missing a piece of the puzzle somewhere! Either she’s hiking her skirts up high to reach gears or she can’t straddle the gear box without it past her knees or perhaps it just blows in the wind. Regardless, if wearing a skirt is so important to her (or her husband) I would think she needs to change her style of skirt for tractor driving.
I have only two skirts I can safely and modestly ride a bicycle in and regardless if there is a stiff breeze, remain modest. I would love to have an old fashioned “riding skirt” like this. I have been in love with riding skirts like this one ever since I first saw one on Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman. I also think these are just gorgeous:
Picture from: If we are ever blessed with little girls, they will wear bloomers. Perhaps your MIL wears sweats beneath her skirt so she really doesn’t have to think about posture because she is very active, or because the likes the way they keep her warm; but she detests the way her backside looks in them so she puts a skirt on top. It’s really hard for me to say – I could find myself in some cute eyelet knickers but never sweats unless it was winter time AND THEY WERE COMPLETELY HIDDEN! Yes, I'm that vain. :) Maybe it will change when I'm a MIL myself?
Question #2- many children. We find ourselves in this dilemma now. We have a friend who is the oldest of 7 and he is against large households. He said his mother never had time to spend with him - she was always caring for babies. Is this the picture of a large family? I am one of 3... so I don't know. My husband is one of 4. Some of the large families he saw... were worn out mother's...and not always very healthy households... Just curious.
There are as many kinds of large families as there are small ones. I know a mom of many (11!) that looks just as fit as any of her daughters, another which is more large and “motherly”. Neither looks particularly weary all the time, though of course everyone has tough days!
I think it also depends on how stressful it is for mom to travel – my mom used to get highly wound anytime we went to church or some other outing as a family and it is very important for her to think of every detail. I really thought that was “normal” until my husband’s family, with the same number of people, is so completely and totally laid back. I have even taken trips with them and it is remarkable. ….. it will probably always fascinate me!
I also know mothers of two that complete opposites. Some are so cute they put me to shame with their makeup and adorable outfits, others run around in sweats looking like they don’t get any sleep.
In my experience, either you enjoy and love being part of a large family, OR you blame whatever you perceive as life’s injustices on being part of one.
To be against all large households is a bit unfair; I certainly couldn't deal with my two without God's grace in my life. Perhaps his mother (or others you husband is aware of) were trying to raise many children with her own strength and energy. That is a task I'm not sure I would attempt to undertake!
In all honesty, your friend’s mom might have been too busy for him if he had been an only child – she just might have filled her time with something else. If she put other people ahead of him (babies), she might have also justified that he was a big boy and it was more important to do XYZ.
I believe that how you parent a child or two is to a great degree, how you will parent more, with the exception that you can’t give multiple children as many material things as you can one or two. But, I think the best thing you can give a child is attention and love. Still, we run the risk of our children knowing that we love them, but resenting us for not going to Disney World or letting them have a TV and computer in their bedroom or buying them gadgets like everyone else they know.
You know, it’s really easy to get caught up in the “cares of this world”. It is so easy when you have a child to push the husband to the back burner. It’s also easy to think that it’s more important that I keep a clean house or learn to make candles or knead my own bread than to spend time answering the countless questions my 2yo throws at me. “Purple. Yes, that’s purple. Purple. Purple. Yes, that’s a moth. Okay, call it a bug if you want. No, I’m not going to get it down. Yes, I see the mo – bug. Yes, I see it. No, I’m not getting it down.”
Sometimes I think it’s all about seeing things from an eternal perspective and from God's point of veiw. We are so "programed" to think that a blessing is a better car, or a bigger house, or a raise in income, rather than something like a pregnancy that stretches and grows and inconveniences us like crazy.
http://www.homesteadblogger.com/jacquedixon/ (Also you can find links to many of the children’s blogs to get their perspectives.)
http://inashoe.com/ (a very happy young family.)
http://ladyofvirtue.blogspot.com/ (The tribute post to her husband is especially touching.)
I hope some of these thoughts help or encourage, and feel free to add your own thoughts. 
~Ashley~
Comments
Tue-24-Jun-2008 - Well Done!
Posted by wannabeone
VERY WELL stated...on both concerns.
Well done. Great blog referrences, too.
Blessings from Ohio, Kim Wolf<><
Tue-24-Jun-2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by morningsunshine
I appreciate your kind, well-thought responses. i was wondering how you would answer the questions
Tue-24-Jun-2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by morningsunshine
EVOO = Extra Virgin Olive Oil. I guess it started with one of those cable chef shows; I do not know, we do not have a tv. but it spread, and "EVOO" is so much easier to type than "extra virgin olive oil"
Tue-24-Jun-2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by gabbie427
A great post and view on both subjects!!! I couldn't have said it better myself.
God's Blessings,
Amy Jo
Wed-25-Jun-2008 - worn out moms
Posted by Anonymous
Ashley,
I believe your assessment of what's "right" or "wrong" with large families (and mothers) is very insightful. I have 2 grown daughters who want to be just like me, and one who isn't sure--but she seems to have some issues with life in general. It's all about perspective--about how much you are willing to surrender.
My mom once commented to me about a woman who had 7 children (I only had 5 at the time) that she saw her at the library and that "She looked so awful and tired!". I can't help but believe that the dear mom of many was just having a "bad hair day", but that it was assumed that she looked that way all of the time.
As for me, I usually look pretty good and pretty rested--I also usually get in an afternoon nap! I put other things off if I feel as though I am not paying attention to my kids (that includes the computer) and don't even have hobbies other than them usually--unless I am making something with them or for them. If we are listening, God gives us the time and energy we need to do His work.
My kids are my hobby.
Thanks for the link.
Sherry (mom to 14)--Large Family Mothering--http://ladyofvirtue.blogspot.com/
Thu-26-Jun-2008 - Thank you!
Posted by wstoller
Thank you for your post and answering my questions!! The 2 ladies I used as skirt examples are both members of a church that pretty much says a woman should only wear skirts - otherwise it's close to a sin to wear pants. So that's why my mother-in-law wears sweats even on a hot day - under her skirt for modesty. But it still doesn't make sense to me overall. But part of it is their church culture holds them so strongly.
I thank you for your thoughts on children. I myself probably look incredibly stressed with only 3 when I go out - because I need to relax a little and as you state place spending time with them as important. I often err on trying to get everything done - placing high std for myself (such as cleanliness is next to godliness, a daughter of the King would have a tidy home, since God is a God of order, I must make everything from scratch for the health and wellness of my family, how could a mother do otherwise, etc etc). Although, I do not have any other outside activities, if we go anywhere - we usually all go together. But alas - I need to pull on His strength and peace and not mine! :0) Thanks again, Ashley!!! I truly appreciate your response!!
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