Confessions of a So-Called Health Nut

Posted on 2007-Oct-8 at 02:57

Earlier this year I had my dad and brothers and sisters over for my kids' birthdays.  They think we are weird already because we drink goats’ milk and raise our own meat (oh, admit it, you guys, you do!), so they keep their eyes open for further weirdness when they come over.  The salt shaker was examined and questioned ("Why is your salt brown?), the chili contents discussed ("Did this meat used to live here?") and the hot dogs were under a general suspicion of being something called Not Dogs (which they were not).  When we sat down to eat I noticed my dad looking around uncertainly so I asked him what was wrong and he asked meekly:

 "Um, Leah, do you guys believe in mustard?"

I had to laugh!  But inside I cringed a little.  “Do I believe in mustard?  Why did he ask me that?”

About a month ago my sister came over with her daughter.  I offered her a cup of coffee and she sighed with obvious relief and said “Oh, I’m so glad you still drink coffee.”  This was because I had recently been reading about coffee and cancer and had sent out an email to my brothers and sisters on the subject with some unsolicited advice for them to quit drinking it if they knew what was good for them.  I quit for a month before caving in and getting the occasional cup of drive through Dunkin Donuts on the weekend.  Then it was twice a week.  Then it was anytime I drove past a coffee shop.  I decided I’d better go back to brewing it at home or we’d go to the poorhouse.    

Over the summer I went to the water park with my friend Maria.  We had agreed to bring lunch as to not pay the exorbiant prices for the food sold at the concession stands.  When we got there, Maria, being the nice sweet person that she is, asked if I would like something to munch on while we watched the kids swimming.  I of course said yes and she pulls out this gigantic bag of raw green pepper slices.  Later on she shared some grapes.  After awhile, the kids came back starving so I unpacked the nitrate laced salami sandwiches, oversalted, overbuttered  popcorn and (shudder) bright, unnaturally red Kool Aid drinks I had brought- not a healthy lunch, I admit, but it was a fun day so I packed a fun lunch.  My friend laughed as she watched me pass the junk food around and said “Here I was worried about what you would think of all the snacks I brought, and you brought Kool Aid!”  She then proceeded to break out her private stash of chips and double stuffed Oreos that she had been hiding from me. 

I reflectively munched an Oreo (green pepper slices had been quickly forgotten) and wondered how I had given Maria the impression of being a healthy food snob.  Do I act like a healthy food snob?  Do I sit around and give off disapproving vibes while other people are eating cookies?  Do I look down my nose while little children eat their fruit snacks?  Do I unconsciously curl my lip and roll my eyes when I see a Twix bar or a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos?  Well, do I? 

Maybe it’s this blog.  I have been known on occasion to rail against the ill effects of sugar and chemicals, I admit it.  I have touted what I believe to be the healing powers of certain herbs and have voiced my general disdain for much modern medicine.  I’m not shy about sharing my fear of grocery store meat, eggs and milk.  Maybe I just talk too much! 

I think what is in order here are a few confessions.  Maybe that will give everyone a clearer picture of who I really am.  Okay?  Here goes.

Confession #1:  I put sugar in my coffee.  Every day.  White sugar.  Oh, the shame of it all!  I had quit all sugar for a time and even wrote a very self righteous post about it awhile back.  So much for conviction.

Confession #2:  I buy baby food.  When I had Kevin I was a much better mother and made his baby food with my own two hands from organic fruit and vegetables.  Now I buy it in the little jars.  And it’s not even Gerber- it’s the Wal Mart brand.  Here is Megan and Melissa’s menu for the day:

Breakfast- ½ jar each of apples and blueberries baby food plus 47 Cheerios.

Lunch- 87 Cheerios and two bites of a banana.

Dinner- Mashed egg yolks (healthy!!), ½ small jar of green beans which they spit out all over their chins, hands, and bibs.  623 Cheerios.

Confession #3:  I am hopelessly addicted to McDonald’s soft serve ice cream cones.  If I am ever out alone, I make sure to have $1.08 with me so I can whip through the drive thru and get one.  Yes, I have memorized the price with tax included.

Confession #4:  I love lunchmeat from the deli.  I could exist on salami sandwiches if I thought it wouldn’t kill me.  I don’t buy it, but I look longingly at the “meat” behind the glass whenever I go to the grocery store.

So there you have it.  4 things you probably wouldn't have guessed about me.  Hopefully this will set the record straight to those of you who mistakenly think that I am a healthy food snob.  As you can see, I have my vices.  If you can call jarred baby food and soft serves vices.  I guess there are worse things.

And yes, I DO believe in mustard!

Untitled Comment

Posted by CandyFoote on 2007-Oct-8 at 03:11 - Link

You are so funny!
I enjoyed your confessions!

Candy

That's so funny!

Posted by chenny3 on 2007-Oct-8 at 04:32 - Link

We try to eat healthy but there are a few things we love too! M & M's are my fave! I could exist on them and coffee. Not for long but sure would be happy! My husband loves American cheese. So occasionally we buy these things. But ,ost of the time we are "health nuts" too! Thanks for the post! Jennifer

Untitled Comment

Posted by Becky on 2007-Oct-8 at 05:48 - Link

I loved reading about your "vices". We all have them! I wish a soft serve was all I craved from McDonalds!! I don't think you're wierd, but I do confess that I'm a little afraid to try the goat's milk. But last time I was over Kyle challenged me to give it a chance, so I might venture to try it next time... with a cookie or two of course. :)

Brown??

Posted by Anonymous on 2007-Oct-9 at 09:09 - Link

So why is your salt brown??
Faith

Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous on 2007-Oct-9 at 10:12 - Link

Hi Faith!

Our salt is brown because it's real salt that has not been bleached white...you see, I'm so snobby I didn't even realize I was being snobby by just assuming people would know why I have brown salt.

And it's not really brown...it's beige :) :)

Love,
Leah

Untitled Comment

Posted by 4timesblessed on 2007-Oct-10 at 12:44 - Link

Leah, you are my kind of gal. Oh, I can talk the talk when it comes to health food. It's walkin' the walk that trips me up.

Here's a confession for you. I buy organic raw goat milk for my family. I sing its praises to everyone...and I have yet to have a sip of it.

PS I tried to give up coffee once, but I have found more articles pointing to its health benefits as opposed to it. I now consider coffee a health food :-)

Personal Goal

Posted by Anonymous on 2007-Oct-11 at 10:48 - Link

What your dad said to you sounds just like something my dad would say to me! I've made it a personal goal of mine to trick him into eating tofu. :-P

ha!

Posted by dcastady on 2007-Oct-15 at 02:43 - Link

You made hot dogs? I missed it? This was a great entry, as always. This blog is better than the newspaper...

Untitled Comment

Posted by Deblyn on 2007-Oct-17 at 09:25 - Link

Leah, I love it! I can be the same way. I do talk the talk and often walk the walk, but not all the time. I find that I get lazy, or get those cravings for things like Peanut M&M's, or coffee, etc. Yesterday...I went to lunch with a friend and got a good healthy vegetable sandwich with FRIED zucchini! Yummy...but I regretted it later! LOL

Hilarious!

Posted by Cathi on 2007-Oct-25 at 01:00 - Link

I've just been laughing so hard at this one I am sure my co-workers are wondering what I am doing over here besides working! Leah, that was good! Gotta love those safe & convenient Cherrios. I would just like to clarify something though...I took what you said about coffee seriously because I care about that stuff too. Admittedly, I mess up trying to keep to my diet convictions probably way more than you do though...so when you said you started drinking coffee again I was soooo relieved because I couldn't even get myself to stop in the first place! Plus, I got to have a cup with you while I visited which I always seem to enjoy the most at your house. :)
I don't know about anyone else, but I always appreciate it when you share the things you learn about food, diet, drugs, etc. You are not at all snobby about it either so please don't ever think that!!
Love you,
Cathi

...and I almost forgot

Posted by Cathi on 2007-Oct-25 at 01:07 - Link

My McD confession:

The Egg McMuffin: $2.27, with tax. I comfort myself with the fact that I have compared the nutritional values against the other breakfast foods offered there and consider it to be the "better" choice. :)

Nitrates

Posted by melaniedawn on 2007-Oct-27 at 09:35 - Link

From one "health nut" to another--watch out for nitrates in lunch meat, I have heard it can cause stomach cancer.
Melanie

???

Posted by Greg on 2007-Nov-9 at 11:20 - Link

Any truth to the rumor going around the family that tofurkey is on the menu for Thanskgiving dinner?

Oh yeah, and who's counting all those Cheerios?

:)

Posted by Anonymous on 2008-Apr-7 at 05:37 - Link

Hey, Leah, I'm just now seeing this but you gave me a laugh for the day! Now I'm wondering what people think about me!?!

Catherine