The Last Word

Posted on 2007-Jun-7 at 11:18

This morning I was talking with my father in law about my oldest son.  Lately it seems as though he has an answer for everything.  For example, he came in with his nice shorts peppered with bleach stains from adding chlorine to the pool.  When I asked him why on earth he wore a good pair of shorts to shock the pool, he said they weren't that nice.  I pointed out that they were nice shorts and that he had already ruined quite a few pairs by being careless.  He said they weren't ruined, just a little stained.  On and on.  This happens all day long.  I was relating a few of these stories to my father in law and telling him how frustrating it was for me to deal with.  I told him that I didn't know where this behavior had come from and, although he is not exactly disrespectful in his words, it seems as though my authority and opinions are always being challenged.

~

As those words fell from my lips, my mind reeled back to a conversation I'd had with my husband last night.  He had told me not to put a stained t shirt into the dryer because it would bake in the stain.  He suggested I let it air dry and then wash it again.  I said that was an old wives tale.    He said that is wasn't an old wives tale, it had happened to him with his own clothing.  I said it was a coincidence then because I get stains out all the time from clothes that have gone through the dryer.  He countered with his opinion, I with mine.  On and on.  We weren't exactly arguing or even bickering, it was just a conversation that kept going and going and going with no end.

~

This morning he'd called me on his way to work and as we were talking we got into a little back and forth about how or where my youngest son had caught a cold.  He was concerned about the babies catching it.  I said they probably wouldn't and that Kevin had caught it because he'd been eating too much junk lately.  He said that although that may have weakened him a bit, germs are germs and are there no matter what you eat.  If the germs are in the house, the babies could very well catch his cold.  I answered something back.  He corrected me.  I said something else.  On and on.  Exasperated, he finally asked me why I always had to have the last word about everything.  Of course, I answered back that I did NOT always have to have the last word and that he was imagining things!!

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As I sat there contemplating, I came up with no less that 10 examples of similar scenarios over the past weeks where I just had to get the last word.  Sometimes it's about how or when the babies sleep.  Sometimes it's about when to start them on solid food.  Sometimes it's about how we discipline.  There are so many times that I don't out and out disagree with him, but I answer back to every single thing he says!

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What, I wonder is the difference between what my boys are doing to me and what I am doing to Ken in these situations?  Is there any difference?  According to God, Ken is my authority.  He is my head.  When I answer back and answer back and question and disagree with all these little things, it is ANNOYING.  I  know, because when the boys do it to me it is ANNOYING.    It's more than annoying, it's very troubling at times.  It causes me grief and worry.  And I am seeing that the reason they are doing it is because they have picked it up from me.  Me!  I feel very enlightened and excited about this.  By just changing my own poor attitude, I will possibly see a change in my own children.

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I need to really start remembering that these young people we are raising are soaking up my attitude, my mannerisms, my habits...they may hear my words, but they are listening to my actions.  Every fault I've got is manifested in my children.  I can so easily pick them out when I see them in others, but I am pretty slow at it when it comes to changing myself. 

~ 

Thank God that He is merciful and can still work in their lives despite the mistakes I make every day.  I am so grateful that I am already forgiven for the times I mess up, that Jesus already died for it all and that I remain blameless in the eyes of God.  I am so grateful to Him for showing me what I need to do and giving me the strength and the wisdom to do it.  I serve an amazing God, one whose patience, love and grace so far surpasses what I deserve...how could I not desire to please Him?

~ 

 Today I am exceedingly thankful that He took the time to show me, in one casual conversation over coffee with my father in law, how to make a change that will affect the very souls of my children.  The Holy Spirit does indeed speak so clearly, if I only I choose to hear Him.

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Posted by Kitty on 2007-Jun-7 at 12:47 - Link

I have a daily study that I read and just yesterday it was about this exact thing.
Read Kings 15: 8-35= With those men is mind, we beleivers must consider what will become of our children if they follow in our ways. We are typically their first example of godly living, which means that they should see us praying, reading the bible, and setting good examples.
Whenever a problem or decision confronts us, the kids ought to be hearing about the lessons and guidance we find in the scriptures. A child should always know by his parents' actions and speech that Jesus Christ has first place in their lives.

I dont know about you, but this hit me upside the head big time. Sometimes I see things in my older son who is 23 now, that I use to say that he had gotten from my ex, but I realized that some of his "issues" were indeed his mothers, ME, LOL.
And PS, Im not sure how old your son is, but let me tell you, once those preteen or teen hormones hit them, they change into people we dont always recognize, lol. I have a 14 yo living in my house!!!!
Have a great day.
Kitty

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Posted by 4timesblessed on 2007-Jun-7 at 01:02 - Link

I have experienced those same revelations this week. The apple doesn't far fall from the tree, does it? It is so much easier to see (and acknowledge) this in OTHER children/families. It's a lot more painful to look in the mirror (your children) and admit your own shortcomings. I've been feeling the conviction to work on ME, before I can expect a change in my children.

Thank you for sharing this, your writings are a blessing to me.

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Posted by Sunshine4Zach on 2007-Jun-7 at 01:12 - Link

Thank you for reminding me! This is one area that I fail miserably and need to make a conscious effort to work harder!

Blessings Leah!
Nichole

Wow!

Posted by homesteadinthemaking on 2007-Jun-7 at 01:35 - Link

I think, as women, this is just a difficulty that we all deal with. I would call it disobedience rather than annoying. I know when my children do it to me I just want to scream, "Just say Yes Mam". Sometimes I do scream it, but always wish later I had handled things better. Thank you for sharing this. I think we could all use a refresher course in obedience. I know I could.
Blessings,
Trixi

WOW!!

Posted by canadianmom on 2007-Jun-7 at 02:44 - Link

Very powerful! and unfortunately oh so true in my life as well. You are right - we are a lot alike :)
Thanks for the lesson, I could learn so much if I would only choose to listen :)
Love you,
Cath

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Posted by CandyFoote on 2007-Jun-9 at 09:39 - Link

Wow!
This is a powerful post!

Candy Foote

Leah!

Posted by abundantblessings on 2007-Jun-13 at 06:41 - Link

Yet again you cause me to pause and think...really think.
Thank you for posting this...I needed to hear it!!

Abundant Blessings,
Laurie

Great Lesson

Posted by Becky on 2007-Jun-14 at 06:02 - Link

Well you know I don't have kids yet, but I can definitely apply this lesson to my marriage, and get myself into better habits for when the time comes that I do have kids. I am notorious for having to have the last word, and recently Rocky said "Why can't you ever just be on my side?" Needless to say I felt awful when I opened my eyes to the way I was making him feel, and I was speechless... for ONCE! :) It just recharged my desire to be the person God created me to be... and that's not the boss of my husband, but his helper. Good post as always, I love you!

Becky

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Posted by tioga12 on 2007-Jun-29 at 06:38 - Link

Thank you for sharing this. I think it is very important not to argue with or question our husbands, because it is very disrespectful to them. We are telling them we think they are stupid and incompetent and that they don't know how to do things. Actually, just because they have a different perspective or way of doing things doesn't make them inferior to us. How often would we stand up to our friends in that way? It is so much better to just surrender our own wills and graciously follow their leading, allowing them to do the job God has given them to do and supporting them as wives.
Isn't God good for teaching us valuable lessons so mercifully? This one is so important because it also effects how our children respond to authority and how they will relate to their spouses as adults.
May God's blessings be upon your day!!!
~Annette

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Posted by Jonash2004 on 2007-Jul-3 at 12:40 - Link

I read this blog last week, but didn't get a chance to comment. I really enjoyed the insight of this entry, I am so impressed that you made the connection between your actions and your son's!

Looking back, my mom always had the final word, but she also would have never admitted she was less than 100% right.

This has led me into pondering how actions speak louder than words - my own parents motto was "Do as I say, not as I do". What a lesson for me and a challenge to remember in raising our children!

Thank you again for this thought - provoking post!!!!

Ashley (Jonash2004)

Please Pray for Madeleine McCann

Posted by farmgirlshelley on 2007-Jul-3 at 03:57 - Link

<a href="http://bringmadeleinehome.com"><img src="http://bringmadeleinehome.com/img/madeleine150x120.gif" width="150" height="120" border="0"></a>

Thank you. In Christ.