Second Fiddle

Posted on 2006-Jan-11 at 07:48

An admirer once asked Leonard Bernstein, celebrated orchestra conductor, what was the hardest instrument to play. He replied without hesitation: 'Second fiddle. I can always get plenty of first violinists, but to find one who plays second violin with as much enthusiasm, now that's a problem. And yet if no one plays second, we have no harmony."

A few years ago I came across a little article by a woman named Debi Pearl about marriage entitled Bound.   This article was the beginning of a wonderful change in my marriage.

I never knew about having a godly marriage, about being an obedient wife.  I grew up thinking that marriage was a 50/50 arrangement, that each person should pull their own weight and share equally in every household responsibility.  The idea of having to obey a man seemed ridiculous to me.

As our marriage progressed, I began to feel as though something was missing.  I felt cooped up, discontented.  I thought that maybe I needed a career or a hobby, a purpose.  I wasn't happy being "just" a wife and mother.  I was constantly challenging my husband and pointing out his faults, blaming him for my misery.  If only you had this job or made this much money, if only we lived here or there, if only you went to church, if only we had devotions together or family night or whatever it was that I was convinced was the missing piece of the puzzle- then we would be happy.  My husband was a failure in my eyes because he didn't have the ability to make me feel fulfilled. 

When I read that article that day, I sat down on the floor next to my desk and cried.  I felt physically ill.  It was me, all along it was me at fault, not him.  I knew that what I had read was the truth, that I was the one standing in the way of my own happiness and the happiness of my husband.  It was like a lightening bolt straight to my heart.  I prayed to God to forgive me and to show me what to do.  When I rose from the floor that day, I was a different person.  If you don't believe me, just ask my husband, he'll tell you.

Today I devote 100% of myself to one thing: being my husband's helper.  This affects the way I go about keeping house, homeschooling, child training, even preparing meals.  Everything I do focuses on what my husband wishes to accomplish in our family and in our life together.  This is fulfilling beyond words. 

When I come down with a case of the "What about me's", my contentment disappears and I become tired, moody, and contentious.  Being his helper is what I was made to do, it's what makes me complete.  I am finally happy.  Any other pursuit is empty and leads to eventual disappointment.

My husband is the leader of our home, and I am the helper.  He makes the decisions in our family, and I support him.  He is first violin, and I am second fiddle.  Who would have ever thought that being second fiddle could be so important!!

Untitled Comment

Posted by motherearth on 2006-Jan-11 at 09:42 - Link

You write so well, I enjoy reading your blog. Its funny, you were describing me, I went through the same discontent and I tried to fill it with everything! Complaining to him, new activites, anything.
The turning point for me was when I read "A Woman After Gods Own Heart," by Elizabeth George and she said submission is a gift you give your husband, but your actually doing it for the Lord. (not a direct quote because I don't have it in front of me.) Something else she said that helped was that, we have never seen a two headed goat, a goat can't have two heads because the body would be pulled in two different directions. The same for our family, the order is God, Husband, Wife, Kids. You can't have two leaders.
Thanks for sharing!

what a message

Posted by Cathy on 2006-Jan-11 at 10:04 - Link

Leah,
Your blog this morning brought tears to my eyes!!!
What a touching testimony!! You write with such emotion...so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this...I absolutely loved it.
Talk soon on the "Homestead" my friend.
Blessings to you today,
Cathy

Untitled Comment

Posted by DonnaJoy on 2006-Jan-11 at 10:45 - Link

Leah - Ok, now you are supposed to make me laugh - not cry! - That was me, except I never changed - until it was too late!! No matter where I was I wanted to be some place different or in different circumstances and I let those feeling ALMOST destroy me - but God intervened and I have another chance to enjoy right where I am.
Thank you so much for sharing - the devil likes us to think we are the ONLY ones who have ever had problems.
You are such a blessing!!
Donna

Untitled Comment

Posted by 4lilblessings on 2006-Jan-11 at 10:42 - Link

I am with Donna....you're to make me laugh not cry! So beautiful! It is so great to see the Lord work. I have learned alot just from reading your post, I know exactly where I need changes in my life/marriage and you pointed that out to me! Thanks!
Lisa

Just popped over from Family Homestead

Posted by Becky on 2006-Jan-12 at 02:14 - Link

I followed a link you posted there and I really like your blog. You are doing all the things that we want to do when my dh retires from the Army in the next year or so.

I like the article you posted too. If only all Christian ladies would read it, what a difference it would make. I saw the error of my ways some years ago and it is wonderful to see the man my dh has become. I am still working on getting a few rough edges off (myself) but have come a long, long way. I would have never believed how much happier I could be just by trying to please my husband.