Well this new year has gotten off to a bit of a rocky start . . . .  Not that I had any wonderful stupendous plans but hey, for a lack of a better word:
Blah.
My Bah Humbug isn’t for Christmas it’s for the New Year.
It didn’t start with a bang but more of a wheeze- the whoosh of that last bit of air going out of my sails.
Pffffftttt.
So I sit here thinking perhaps I should postpone New Years until February. Just skip the whole month of January . . . . .
Lovely thought.
Not reality but still . . . .
This isn’t how I wanted things to start off . . . .
‘Course how we ended 2008 wasn’t exactly according to my grand plan either . . . .
Ah well.
You know what they say- God laughs when we make plans.
We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9
So, I guess it was the Lord’s determining how these things are progressing rather than my own.
And that is, of course, for the best.
I am determined not to let the joy suckers of my life suck me dry.
My joy comes from the Lord and He never runs dry.
So what’s a girl to do?
Well for starters- I need to finish putting away Christmas. I love putting it all up but I simply dread taking it all down. Even more so this year.
And: Start boxing up some old youth ministry books and making room on the shelves. I’ve got two bookcases full of youth ministry books here at my home office and I know I won’t be using it all in the next 4 months—so its going to get boxed up and stored in the youth room @ church. I’m pretty sure this will make me feel a bit better.
I don’t like clutter- I like order and to see space between things.
Perhaps it will all feel like more of reality if things start “going away”.
Know something funny?
I’m thinking up and writing some great youth lessons right now- I haven’t been this “on” in a long time. Probably comes from the freedom of knowing . . . .
Last week I took my paper shredder in . . . . . I proclaimed it Good Riddance Day and had the youth fill out a paper with all the things they hated/disliked about 2008. All the hurts and pains etc. I had them write it all down- give it over to God and shred it! Say: Good Riddance to bad rubbish!
I then handed out papers that said “HOPE” and “Shine in 2009”. We read verses about our real hope being found only in Jesus and in maintaining a relationship with him and then each youth wrote at least one thing they hope for in 2009- not an item like a new snowboard or car but something they need- something they need to hope in. I.E: I hope to get along better with my family. I hope to spend more time in the Bible. I hope to keep up my grades. Stuff like that.
It was an excellent study. One we all could do . . . . .
Do you have some things about 2008 you would like to say “Good Riddance” to? Why don’t you do it- if you don’t have a shredder- how about just setting the paper on fire?

It seems I am beginning to find my way again and blaze a trail . . . .
I must say it is a bit more than a trifle exciting!

Happy 21st birthday to my wonderful answer to prayer ... Jasper!!  I treasure you and it has been my joy and priviledge to be your momma and to have homeschooled you during your school years. 

Remember that you are the apple of God's eye and that you are created with a purpose for His Kingdom.  Happy 21st birthday, Baby, and many, MANY more!

Love and blessings to you, Mommy<><

My  finger is really sore as one of our rabbits bit it this morning!  I didn't know rabbits would bite?  Well they do.  I guess the poor girl was hungry, I was filling her feeder when she decided to latch onto my little pinky.  It makes it hard to type........so this will be short.

The insurance adjuster came this morning.  The building that burned was not listed on the policy, so not covered, which we pretty much knew.  Only the garage and 2 open sided sheds were listed.  The other little buildings (misc. chicken houses and such) are really not worth enough to insure.  Until this happens, then you wish they were!  But the garage siding will have to be replaced and he said he would include the shingles on that side also. 

So, since we felt that we should wait until he came to start clean up, we did get a little done on that this afternoon.  We picked up all of the tin, which made a huge difference in the looks of things.  The roof was tin and also the sides were lined with tin inside the building, so quite a bit of tin was laying around.

No baking today, a little laundry, chores and just everyday things other than that.  Hubby has been promoted to dish washer for a few days!

Country Blessings,

Marilyn~at Heritage Hill Homestead

As planned, Mr. Steady and I met with our Pastor yesterday evening.
As to be expected, my pastor was understandably surprised that I desire to step down from youth ministry.
When we presented him with our proposal of working less hours (which by the way was extremely difficult to come up with and instead of it being a 10 hour proposal it was a 12 hour proposal which was really a 14 hour proposal without 2 hours on--- extremely difficult for me to find a way to be productive and effective on 10 hours- impossible really to do what needs doing . . . .). He did not accept the proposal because he felt I was cheating myself because I would continue to work the hours anyway. He wanted to clarify to me that I am salaried and that means if it takes 5 hours or 10 hours or 30 hours to do what I do my pay remains the same. He asked that I stop worrying about the hours. He also wanted to ease my mind about the money- that the church is becoming more financially stable with the pay cuts already in affect and some other changes and there is no need for me to take less pay to do the same amount of work.
Mr. Steady explained that I can’t do the same amount of work and he and Pastor discussed what Pastor wants to see in the ministry and what I have been doing- which according to my pastor was above and beyond. He encouraged me to cut back and not worry. He also encouraged me that when others in the church give me flack that I should let it go and/or forward them to him- telling the person(s) “Pastor and I have discussed this and you can take it up with him.”
Pastor was hoping by alleviating some of the stress of hours and pay and other people’s expectations that I would “keep on keeping on” but Mr. Steady and I remained firm on the fact that God is calling me to step down. I shared that I have been feeling this nudge from the Lord for months but felt I needed more clarity from the Lord and He has now given that clarity to me.
I could tell from snippets and body language that my pastor is concerned with how they will replace me. I shared that I felt God would fill the position. It has to be God- not just because the church is so low on volunteers you couldn’t get someone to hold a door open or because the church really can’t financially afford to bring someone in (as they would definitely want more money than I am making)- it’s not about those seemingly insurmountable obstacles- it has to be God-led no matter what. I have to believe that God’s will will be done and am praying for him to send someone.
How the meeting ended: My pastor would not accept a formal resignation but acknowledged that I want to phase out of paid ministry by early May. We both want my last few months as youth ministries director to be joyful- that I would spend time teaching and enjoying the kids and with that in mind, He asked that this stay between us at this point and not involve the church board as he feels it will quickly leak out and do harm to the youth ministry during the transition. He stated that I did my part and it is now in his hands to see it through (which I take to mean finding a replacement?).
So this is a beginning to an end. I have to say that I still have questions and concerns about how the next few months will go and just how this is going to end but I am doing my best to set that aside and remind myself that God is in charge, not me. I’m not borrowing worry for the next 4 months, but want to do as directed- teach and enjoy.
Harder said than done for me.
Just one more thing that God wants to work in me is my guess.
And so- should you ask, “Do you feel relieved? A great weight lifted off of you?”
Umm.
Yes.
and No.
But God is God
And I’m more than okay with that.

Thank you to everyone who visited and left such nice comments concerning our fire.  I appreciate your prayers!  Each day is getting a little better and I know that will continue.  Hard to believe it has been a week already tomorrow.  The insurance adjuster is coming in the morning, so then we can begin the clean up process, that will be fun........

With the beginning of the new year, I would like to try to make some changes in our schedule around here.  But with all of the other things going on, I feel like I just need to take a little time and chill out this week.  I hope to get to bed at a decent time, (I have been doing much better at that already) get up at a regular time, eat breakfast at a decent time, get out to do chores..........we seem to get started doing something and then it is late for breakfast.  Then it is should we eat breakfast or an early lunch? I also need to get a menu plan of some sort, I know that would be much easier than "what shall we eat?"  We have plenty of food in the freezer, but it seems like it is hard to think of what to fix or what sounds good.  When I have something in mind to fix I do not mind cooking at all, but it seems like we are in a rut as far as ideas.  And hubby being soooo picky doesn't make it any easier! 

Today we did roast one of our chickens and it was tasty.  So tomorrow will be chicken and noodles, one of our favorites.

There is a farm show in Topeka this week.  We usually go, don't ever buy anything and honestly there is very little of real interest to us as we are not official farmers, but it is kind of fun and we usually see some people we know.  I don't know if we will try to go or not yet.  We were waiting to see when the insurance adjuster would be coming.  We have not left here together yet since the fire except for about an hour last Friday.  One of the first things we said was now we will not be able to leave at the same time for a while.  I am not sure why we feel this way, as we were both home when it happened, so that didn't stop anything.  But, the fact that we were here to call for help was so important.  Anyway, the first  time we leave will be a little hard I believe, but it will have to be done sooner or later.

I baked a batch of cinnamon rolls today, I may have to make pies tomorrow, haven't heard yet.  I do have 1 pie to make for another lady on Friday.  I would really like to have some sort of schedule for baking, but right now it is just whenever?  I don't get a lot of other things done when I spend most of 2-3 days a week in the kitchen.

Today the weatherman said that we were exactly normal 37 for a high and 17 was the low.  Each day is supposed to be a little warmer, with Friday in the 50's.  Every day we have above freezing is a plus in my book.  I do not like to deal with frozen water tubs! Right now I only have a heater in one pen, but have figured out a way to easily fix one for another goat pen if it turns cold and stays that way for a while.

Time for bed.............

Country Blessings,

Marilyn~at Heritage Hill Homestead

and a good book or two!  That's what I'd like to curl up with today.  It is yucky outside, though we did get some much needed rain.  Posting about seed catalogs on the Front Porch has made me anxious to sit down with my own stack of catalogs and do a little list making.  But first, I have some much needed homekeeping to finish up...

dishes

laundry

baking

and can't leave out the home education part ...

reading

writing

math

But, once those are done or "doing", then I'll get a chance to have some fun and do a little dreaming! 

I'm planning to bake some bread today and put on a big pot of soup for dinner.  I'm having to make some serious adjustments to my cooking as this house has a teeny tiny kitchen.  I can quite quickly create a state of chaos in there if I'm not careful .  My biggest challenges are lack of counter space and cabinet space.  There's nothing like taking a HOT pan out of the oven and realizing there is not a single empty space to sit it down on....  It's happened more than once, too. 

The sun is trying to peek out now, I may have to pop outside and check on my garden and pick some broccoli and carrots.  This broccoli soup recipe sounds very tempting today! 

Not something any of us wants to have to do!  On New Years eve about 9:30 or so, I was working in the kitchen frosting some cinnamon rolls and finishing up some dishes, getting ready for the dinner at Mom's the next morning.  I happened to look out the west door and noticed the birdbath that stands at the end of the sidewalk was glowing.......what in the world is that??  I stepped out onto the deck and saw big smoke.  I hollared at hubby that the garage was on fire which is where it looked like it was coming from.  Actually it was our grainary and 10 big bales of hay next to it!  While waiting for the fire trucks to get here we got the hoses out and hooked up and started to spray it down a little.  Let me tell you my heart was racing!

Fire departments came from 3 towns and there were 9 trucks here!  Quite an exciting New Years Eve celebration we had here.  There is an open shed just a few feet from the burning hay bales that also contained hay, small bales.  They were able to keep it contained so that did not catch on fire, we are so thankful for that! 

Our garage is not far, and the siding is melted on it and the shingles have damage.  A small chicken house on another side had the siding melted as well.

So..........we have a tremendous amount of things to be thankful for in this ordeal!  If we had been gone, or in bed, or I had not looked out the door when I did.........it would have only been a few more minutes until I believe both of those buildings would have gone up and then the house is just on the other side of the garage, it would have been next along with 2 other chicken houses, and the shed containing the small hay bales too.  We could have so easily lost everything except 1 barn and 1 chicken house that are on opposite sides of the farmyard.

God's timing is always perfect!  We have no idea why he allowed this to happen, but his timing is perfect and we are giving thanks that more was not lost and no animals were hurt.

We did lose all of the feed for all of the animals, the 10 big bales of hay, feed barrels and buckets, some feed tubs, chicken feeders and waterers, the scales I weigh baby goats and feed with, catch nets, chicken leg catcher, dog chain, 3 pet carriers, fan, shop vac, some tools, cooler, electric roaster, some storage tubs..........I am sure a few other things.  I was worried about Snowball the cat that liked to sleep on a pillow in there, but the next morning he came to greet me!

Other than the shock of that night, the worst part has been keeping an eye on the hay burning.  It finally burned down enough by last night, that we could relax and go to bed without too much worry.   There was a danger of it flaring up enough to start something going again and we had to continually check on it and hose it down when we didn't feel comfortable.  The night time hours have proved to have me feeling unsettled and anxious...........it is all in God's hands, but I know human nature brings these feelings when something like this has happened.  If you would, please offer a little prayer for me to feel peace and safety, thank you!

The house a mile away that burned 3 days before was determined to be arson, however ours is listed as undetermined as far as I know now.  The hay and all the water made it difficult to tell exactly what had caused it.  It is hard not to think it may have been set as well.  Which is hard to think about too.  We have dogs and yard lights and we were home when it happened?? 

Back to being thankful!  Our friends and neighbors have been so generous and thoughtful to us. One has promised to  replace the hay we lost, another brought over a bale the next day, the man who's house burned brought up 2 bales!  Hubby went and had the folks open up the elevator so he could get a few bags of feed on New Years day.  Then today he went and picked up a mix of goat feed and to our total surprise they said it is paid for!  Wow!  A good friend from a nearby town had called and told them she would pay for the entire feed mix for our goats.  The same man who is replacing the hay is bringing his skid loader over to help clean up the mess after the insurance adjuster has been here.  Others have offered to help and come by to see if there is anything they could do.  Folks in rural America are still kind and caring people and we are blessed to live here!  Thank you to everyone who has helped in our time of need.

I had put off bloging since this happened, but am glad I finally sat down and put it on paper, or I guess on computer...........

Country Blessings,

Marilyn~at Heritage Hill Homestead

Pastor preached yesterday on being available to God for Him to use. And it stuck in my thoughts all the day long. I mulled it over, I chewed on it and I prayed and thought some more.
I believe many people need to be prodded to be available because of the shortage of volunteers that I see all around me. Few are doing the work of many and so much more needs to be done . . . . So we put out the call for others to step up and step in.
But what does it mean to me to be available? Rarely do I turn people down when help is needed- I’ve filled in the gaps at church in more places than I care to think. Some worked, some didn’t. But I felt I had to stick to the adage “See a need, fill a need.” I can’t think of how many times I’ve sighed in resignation and said, “Oh alright, if no one else is going to do it I guess I will.”
What kind of an attitude is that?
So I ask again what does it mean to me to be available?
My thoughts are running in an entirely different direction. I have kept myself so busy- doing what I thought was needed and necessary that I now find . . . . .
I haven’t been available.
I’ve been too busing DOING to be available.
Being Available is not synonymous with “Do, Do, Do”.
I got that part wrong.
God is calling me to Be Available.
To be free from other burdensome jobs/ministries/etc. in order to hear Him calling me.
I heard Him call me in the quiet yesterday afternoon.
He called me to
REST.
Simply rest.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” [Matthew 11:28-30]
I’ve been going about it all wrong and it took hitting the wall at warp speed and spending a few days trying to summon the energy to crawl out for me to begin to hear.
God isn’t always calling us to “do” something, sometimes He calls us to be quiet so He can speak to our hearts, so He can help heal.
I believe God calls people to times of rest.
I believe because I know He is calling me to such a time.
I’ve become dysfunctional.
I’ve become what I dreaded may happen when I began over seven years ago . . . .
All about the business and busyness and becoming lost to the quiet in the secret places.
Becoming a world-class “do-er” isn’t God’s design for me.
Super-woman-wife-mom-youth director-and-whatever-else-I-can-tack-on-to-show-the-world-that-I’ve-got-it-all-going-on is not the title God has in mind for me.
He just calls me to be His servant.
And He is calling this servant to a time of Rest.
Rest.
Restore.
Renew.
Revitalize.
Rebuild.
Refresh.
Rekindle.
Recharge.
God’s got a plan for me- and I now know it starts with stopping.
Be Available.

I continue to covet prayer and wish to extend my deepest gratitude to everyone who continues to lift up my prayer request. All the prayers lift me up and sustain me. Thank you.
Mr. Steady and I will be meeting with our pastor this Tuesday evening to give him our proposal of cutting down my hours (and pay). We will also be asking that the church board begin to actively seek a replacement for me. Our plan is that I be able to help see the youth ministry through this transition. We are setting a “time limit” stating that I would like to be phased out of paid youth ministry be early May.
This has been an extremely hard decision for me to make. And yet as things begin to come together to see the end- I am beginning to feel the release. I have never before been brought so low by a circumstance. I have never before not been able to bounce back.
BUT
It has been a most humbling experience.
I hit the wall.
And found God right there beside me.
I have cried buckets.
I have complained and whined to the Lord.
And I wasn’t afraid to do so- I know my God is bigger than my pain. Big enough to hear my whining.
Most definitely.
I have stepped back these past few days- I couldn’t do anything but.  I couldn’t “work” as I needed to- just how was I suppose to do more than the mechanics? Wednesday morning it took all my fortitude to get out of bed and face the day. I have never been a wallow-er and I felt that what I was doing was wallowing.
In pity, disgust, anger and despair.
Etc. Etc. Etc.
I cried out and said “I’m burning out! I can’t do this!” and felt that I wasn’t really heard.
But I was.
God heard me.
Mr. Steady heard me.
As did many others who lifted me up in mighty prayer.
Each day God met me right where I was at.
Each day got a little bit easier.
I have begun to experience the quiet again.
I believe God is giving me a cleaner, clearer vision.
The better to see my priorities with.
The better to see my family with.
The better to see myself with.
I love being “needed” and “necessary” but . . . . . .
It doesn’t matter how needed and necessary I am to others if I’m not delivering the goods here at home first and with my bestest most worthwhile effort.
I can no longer be split in two by ministry away from home and the ministry right here at home.
God has shown me time and time again that Home IS my ministry.
Period.
My prayer is that my pastor listens and begins to understand and accepts the proposal. Our church board’s monthly meeting is this Thursday evening and it is our desire to bring this proposal to the board at that meeting- the sooner “the cat is out of the bag” the sooner they can begin looking for a replacement and all the sooner for me to feel I can take a deep breath and am not squeezed in by the pressure to perform.
The sooner I can begin to rest.