Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Hope

But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more.
Psalm 71:14

Hope is a really interesting word. The definition is to cherish a desire with anticipation. It is easy to lose hope, to give up. I tell you, I had a hard time getting up after being knocked down. Somethings in life have knocked me down so much, I feel like I had gone 7 rounds in a boxing match and lost badly. There were days that getting out of bed was not an option for me. I did not have the strength. Agony did not even describe how I felt. I had left my life in California and moved to Oregon. I did not have a life here in Oregon. It felt like limbo land. My family was falling apart, I was not happy with myself, I had no friends here, and I was alseep in my walk with God. There was only one place to escape to: God. I prayed and asked God for the strength to get up. After I prayed, I had this urge to get up and get my Bible. So, I got up, dug in my closet, found my Bible, blew the dust off and sat down on my couch. I opened up the Bible and turned to Psalms. My mother said that Psalms was always a good place to start when you need inspiration. I like to play a game when I read the Bible. I will close my eyes and point to a verse. When I opened my eyes, my finger pointed to Psalm 71:14. I read it and realized I had I had given up hope. I needed hope. I needed hope that my nephew would be safe, loved and have Angels guarding him all the time. I needed hope to find happiness and purpose. I needed hope that I would have the desire to get out of bed tomorrow. I closed my eyes and prayed for God to give me hope. After I was done praying, I read the verse again. I started to think that, if I have hope than I will need faith and patience, too. Faith that God will take care of me and my family.  Faith that he will choose my path in this life and give me happiness.  Patience to wait for the time when he chooses to do so. I have a hard time with patience. It is something I struggle with everyday. I have to give it up to God.  When there is nothing I can do in situations, I give it up to God. My nephew is my pride and joy. I love him like he was my own. My brother is bi-polar and does not take medication for this.  He is, also, married to someone who does not really care if he lives or dies. Their home life is very scary. Fighting is what they do best and they do it often. My 3 year old nephew has a front row seat at all the fights.  He tells me that his parents fight all the time and he starts to cry because he is scared. Nothing has ever hurt me so much than to hear that. This is my boy and he is telling me that he is scared. I can't make it all better. I give him a kiss and a great big hug and I give it up to God and pray that his Angels will shelter him and  protect him. I have to have patience that God will work it out in his time. So, I keep praying, read my Bible, and have hope, faith, and patience that everything will work out in the end. I praise him for my family, my friends, and praise him for letting me get out of bed.

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Thursday, May 10, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by ApplesofGold

Bless your heart. I'm so sorry about all the trials you are going through. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to want to protect your nephew and have no control over it.
I am praying for your sweet little nephew, his family and your family.
Praising God that he met you where you were. Isn't he so good, so very good that way?

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Thursday, May 10, 2007 - Beautiful Entry!

Posted by Training Hearts

This is what blogging is about!!! Deep thoughts and full of emotions. I'm not sure if you have been reading my blog, but we haven't been able to hear our baby's heartbeat since last Thursday :( Your post on "HOPE" was especially touching for me today.

Hugs, ~Tammi

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Thursday, May 10, 2007 - Beautiful Site / So Creative / Keep Up the Faith

Posted by "Your Other Mother"

Hi there, Miss Julia!
Your Blog is so beautiful and as always....you are so creative. Hmmmmm....things haven't changed since you were 2 and in Bible Fellowship integrating Soap Operas with your family life...hee hee!
I'm so glad I hear a glimmer of Hope and Happiness in your voice. I know your situation with the Little Man in your life has to be so difficult, but as you know, he is in the Lord's hands.
We look forward to our visit again. July is still a long way off, but it's going to happen! Yippee!
Take care, I admire your's and T's wonderful blogs....maybe I can get her to set up one for me....what a legacy to leave for your families.
Talk soon.
Love,
"Your Other Mother"

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