B & B Dreams

There is not always a simple answer to this question.  Of course, we would love to leave the "big city."  Just last week my husband was walking home from the bus stop and was "accosted" by about 20 teenagers on their way home from school.  And our church's teen program last week had to call police because some young men, who were asked to leave because they were causing trouble, wouldn't leave.  Of course, this is only just one of the many reasons we'd love to leave the "big city."  I've always longed for life in the "country."  And I'm sure there is some of the "grass is always greener" mentality in that.

But just Saturday night, my mother-in-law had a stroke.  Over the past two years, we've lost his father (who had Alzheimers) and his sister (who had cancer).  It's been tough on the kids.  Now looms the possibility of losing another loved one.

Now, there is no possibility of us going anywhere right now anyway, because 1) God has not provided financially for us to make a move and, perhaps even more important, even if we had the means, 2) God has not yet released us to move on from our present situation.

However, just in theory, even if we could move, would we not be abandoning our responsibility to our parents, in some way?  I present this to see what others are thinking in this area.  My mother-in-law, being 83, and now experiencing left side weakness, will likely need to be in a nursing home.  While I cringe at this thought, I realize that the daily care she needs is beyond the capability of any of us to provide.  (And that could launch another whole debate -- about nursing homes and whether one truly can care for an elder who is debilitated.  Believe me -- I go round and round in my mind on that one.  Not only do I not have a room for her, but our living arrangements are in a rather inaccessible apartment with many stairs, not appropriate for her situation right now.)

Even if full-time nursing care is necessary for a parent, that does not release us from our duties to them.  The less someone is visited, the more the perception is given that no one really cares and, unfortunately, the less the quality of care this person will receive.  It's a sad state, but it's a fact.

And there is still my mom (in her upper 60s -- my dad died 13 years ago) and my uncle (lower 70s, single and no children, so we are all he has and we love him dearly) to consider.  I could not leave them to fend for themselves as they get older.

Family is so important, and my desire to move to the country battles with my love and concern for them, and my belief that our children need their family, especially grandparents.

So . . . to move away or not to move away.  That is the question.  Do we pick up and leave our ageing loved ones?  Do we wait out this phase in our life and then get release to move on?  I don't have the answers, and would be interested to hear yours.